Marinelli Joins Bears

Like any man with a sharp shovel and a strong will, Rod Marinelli was in high demand. Road construction crews, grave diggers, landscapers, and sprinkler system installers were all clamoring at the opportunity to seize the sharp shoveled one. In the end, the Chicago Bears won out the bidding war and landed King Zero. Rod will enjoy this job much more than the last. He joins his great buddy Lovie Smith, presumably the main reason for joining Chicago. However, Lovie Smith is never confused with Bear Bryant and another losing season or two and Marinelli may be following Lovie out the door. Rod will also avoid the postgame press conference. Not many reporters care about defensive line coaches, albeit NFL record holding ones are special. No more "We'll have to watch the tape" or "Pound the rock" or "Proper pad level" or "We're a good team, we just have to take practice to the field." Nope. Rod will fearlessly lead his troops without the bother of the news media. And they will surely follow him. 0-16 instantly creates respect, admiration, and a sense of awe. In the end, expect the Bears line to flourish under Marinelli's tutelage. He will undoubtedly sign every Tampa Bay castoff, old and weathered or young and talentless, building his quarterback sackers to greatness. Indeed, the Lions should shiver at the thought of Marinelli leading a band of warriors within the division...